Shinny Interviews...
A Referee's Whistle
Published in January 2001 -  Diane Lau

We recently received a charming e-mail from Ray Burtoff, a longtime hockey referee who had just discovered Snacks. Ray wrote:

"As a skating zebra, I have an idea for an interview that might be interesting—the whistle. Have you ever thought of what a ref’s whistle must go through? Forgotten most of the time, carelessly shoved into a pair of black nylon pants and thrown into an equipment bag, this all-important piece of metal is abruptly thrust onto the hand of an official and spends the next two to three hours flying through freezing air, dodging pucks and sticks, getting tangled in player’s jerseys (we sometimes forget to pocket them before breaking up the odd tussle), and (of course) getting blown loud enough to stop a hockey game in full swing. Champion of the underdog that I am (what other kind of person would wear the stripes?) I’d like to see a bit of credit go to that unsung warrior—the whistle."

Shinny was lucky enough to be able to catch up with referee Terry Gregson’s whistle after the controversial Anaheim/Minnesota game on New Year’s Eve…

Q: Pierce, welcome to Hockey Snacks.

A: My pleasure, Shinny. It’s an honor and a privilege for an old ref’s whistle like me to get to represent hockey whistles everywhere.

Q: So tell us about the scenario in St. Paul.

A: Three minutes to go in the game, me and Terry are both a bit worn out by this time of course, Petr Tenkrat shoots at Manny Fernandez and Manny makes the stop. Hey, we saw he had it, and here’s me whistling the play dead and that puck pops up and into the goal. Couldn’t count it, it was too bad.

Q: So then, of course, you get the blame.

A: Ya, it’s like it always is, they call you a quick whistle. Don’t get under my skin no more. Heck, if I had a nickel for every time I’d been called a quick whistle, I could buy the Canadiens. Wouldn’t, but could.

Q: Teemu Selanne got a bit testy then, I hear. Seems he said, "Everybody knew this was a goal, maybe he had a New Year’s party to go to and didn’t want to go to OT."

A: Ya, ya, ya. Everyone’s a comedian. I didn’t have no party to go to, haven’t been to a party in years.

Q: I think Teemu was referring to Gregson, actually.

A: Oh, even funnier! Ya, Terry’s a party animal. Listen, I’m sorry we had that little problem, but let’s put the blame where it’s due. That puck was being a little wiseass for the entire period. Not sure what got the bee in his bonnet, but I think it was this offsides call earlier on, I think this puck thought it was a bad call and had it in for me and Terry because of that. Anyway he was full of piss and vinegar all period. On a faceoff at 11:27, he yells up at me, "Hey, buddy, I’ve seen Oscar Meyer wiener whistles better looking than you!" Little wiseacre. I was wishing someone would send that bugger up over the glass and let him try his luck with some eight year old.

Q: So you think the puck jumped into the goal for revenge?

A: You betcha. I’ve seen it happen a lot of times. Puck gets pissed off, tries to find a way to make the ref look bad. This "quick whistle" trick is the oldest one in the book. I’ve seen a goalie have a nice sound grip on a puck, I let out a shriek, everything’s fine and then that puck’ll wriggle free and leap into the goal. Then they strut around like they’re the first one to think of doing it. That’s what really irks me.

Q: It’s got to be annoying, Pierce. Man, I had no idea you had this kind of trouble with pucks.

A: Ya, the fans vs. refs thing is nothing compared to the pucks vs. whistles thing. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of nice pucks in the league, the sorts of pucks you want to go out for a beer with after the game, but then there are a lot of ‘em that would just as soon hit a whistle in the face as look at him. They’re trying to get into the Hall of Fame as being Lemieux’s 1500th point or something, and you go whistling them for offsides on a breakaway. Some of these pucks would like to play hockey with no rules at all, I swear.

Q: Come to think of it, you whistles really are unsung heroes.

A: You ain’t a-kiddin’, Shinny. You get some bruhaha going in the crease, the fans are out of their minds yelling, Marchment slashes the goalie and Don Koharski is supposed to stop the action just by saying, "Excuse me?" No, you gotta have a real live official NHL referee’s whistle on hand to break that mess up, my boy, or chaos reigns. I’m telling you, chaos reigns.

Q: I can see that.

A: The league gets tougher every year, but at least things are a little better since what we whistles call The Season of Hell.

Q: What’s that?

A: The year of that crazy in the crease rule. Oh man, did we have problems with the pucks that year! Can’t say I blame ‘em either. Puck would score a perfectly good goal but just because some brainless skate had left his big ole toe hangin’ in the crease, we whistles have no choice but to blow and call no goal. Oh, and that puck would be out for blood the rest of the game! We’d have pucks jumping inside players’ pants all the time, just to mess with the flow of the game.

Q: Wow, we thought that was accidental!

A: Yeah, sometimes, but some of these punks got together and organized this little movement to protest the in the crease rule, the worst pucks in the league these guys were, and they would jump in people’s gear whenever they could. Most of them are long gone now, I’m happy to say…pucks don’t last in this league as long as whistles do.

Q: It helps that whistles never end up over the glass and in the stands.

A: You betcha! And we’re not such a hot commodity with the fans you know. Understandably, they’d rather take home a piece of rubber that’s been touched by Steve Yzerman’s stick than a piece of metal that’s been touched by Terry Gregson’s tongue.

Q: Oh man, when you put it that way…

A: Hey, just a friendly reminder from a guy who doesn’t want to see whistles ending up on display in fan’s homes. Much rather be out at work on the ice, Shinny.

Q: I believe it, Pierce. Thanks a lot, and keep up the good work.

A: And I hope your readers will remember the next time one of my buddies gets called "a quick whistle"…hey, maybe it was the puck’s fault!